Yugi the Cheater
by StupidSequel
Summary: Yugi has to give back all the prizes he won from the Duelist Kingdom and Battle City tournaments because he used the spirit from his Millennium Puzzle to fight his battles for him, and that counts as cheating. That means stealing his grandpa's soul, making Serenity blind again, robbing the hospital, and delivering the Egyptian God cards.


**Yugi the Cheater**

This fanfic takes place several years after the final Yu-Gi-Oh original anime arc. Yugi is 35 years old and happily married to Tea. They have 3 wonderful children who look exactly like smaller versions of Yugi and Tea, respectively, but they're not important to this story, so why did I even bother mentioning them?

"Yugi, there's a piece of mail for you." Tea called. She handed it to him. Just an envelope with something metallic and lumpy inside. It was from Pegasus. Yugi's stomach lurched. He tore it open. _He better not have stolen anyones' souls again. I sure don't wanna go thru that ordeal again. _It was just a letter. A harmless little letter. Yugi read it, wondering what Pegasus would want with him even after all these years.

"Dear Yugi boy. It has come to my attention that you have been cheating in all your duels. You have been using your physically and mentally superior guardian spirit to fight all your battles for you and do most of your thinking for you and this 'heart of the cards' crap allowing you to influence what card you draw next rather than leaving it up to chance. At least 99% of the duelists who entered my tournament didn't have that kind of power, so that gave you an unfair advantage. It's like abusing steroids in the Olympics or using auto-tune on American Idol auditions. But that's not all. The Battle City tournament was also won by your filthy cheating ways. There was another tournament after the Orichalchos saga but no one cares about it, so you're Scot free as far as that's concerned.

"For cheating in every duel you ever fought, you must give back all that you won. So I am giving you my Millennium eye so you can install it and use it to steal your own grandpa's soul. You will also have to poke both of Serenity's eyes out and rob the hospital of 3 million dollars and give the money back to me. You will also need to give the Egyptian God cards back to the Ishtar family, and then throw your Millennium Puzzle in the trash. If you don't do all these things within 72 hours, which is 3 days, I will call the cops. After you do all these things, I will make you do both those tournaments all over again and you have to duel as Yugi, NOT your mentally superior alter ego. Got it? Oh, and I will need my Millennium Eye back after you do these tasks but before the tournament reduxes." Yugi let everything sink in for a moment. Tears streamed down his cute little eyes.

"I have been living a lie all this time. None of the duels I've ever fought counted. I only rescued my grandpa and helped Joey pay for his sister's operation because I cheated. I only won the Battle City tournament cuz I cheated. I promise I will play honorably from now on! Time to make things right" Yugi sobbed. The aforementioned metallic lumpy thing was Pegasus's Millennium Eye. Yugi threw his Millennium Puzzle in the trash and traveled to the kitchen to search for a long, thin, sharp thing to gouge his eye with. _Ergh. I guess a trident will have to do. _He stuck the 3-pronged fork in his eye and pulled hard. I probably should not go into detail since it would hurt just to read. But he successfully got his eye out. It landed on the kitchen floor and made a squishy thud sound. Now to install the Millennium Eye. Yugi inserted it into the empty socket but it was too small to stick cuz, you know, Yugi's eyes take up like two thirds of his face and the eye was built for a more normal looking eye socket.

"Hey Tea, do we have any super glue?" Yugi yelled from the kitchen.

"Um, we might have some downstairs. Why, what did you break this time?"

"Nothing. I just need to install Pegasus's Millennium Eye so I can steal my grandpa's soul so I can redeem myself for cheating thru Duelist Kingdom."

"WHAT?" Tea gasped. "You're actually gonna go through with all of this?! No, I will not allow it!" Tea called Yugi's grandpa's number on the landline. "Hello Yugi's grandpa. I'm just gonna warn you that Yugi may try to steal your soul with the Millennium Eye. I dunno. Something about wanting to redeem himself. So you'd better get some duct tape or something." He laughed. "But I'm serious!" Tea panicked. Yugi went downstairs and super-glued the Millennim Eye into his socket.

That night while grandpa was safely off to sleep, Yugi snuck out of his house and drove to his grandpa's house. _I may not want to do this but I believe it's the right thing to do cuz cheating is wrong and I must set things right. _

Yugi accidentally stole the soul of grandpa's glasses. _I might need to learn how to control this thing better. _Second try, he almost stole his own soul but stole the soul of grandpa's bed at the last minute. Third time was the charm. He actually got his own grandpa's soul this time. _Bingo._

Next item on the list was robbing the hospital of 3 million dollars. This was a bit harder but still not that hard. Yugi put on a balaclava and marched into the hospital. He pointed his finger at the surgeon.

"GIMME 3 MILLION DOLLARS OR I WILL SHOOT YOU WITH MY FINGER!" The surgeon did as instructed since fingers are a legit threat. His hands were shaking so much it took several tries to successfully deliver the money.

Still night time, Yugi snuck into Serenity's house and snuck up on her wielding a fork. He poked out her eyes and they fell to the floor and then he exited the house like it was nothing.

He then grabbed the 3 Egyptian God cards and hurried over to the Ishtars' place and delivered them. "Here ya go, take care."

With about 2 hours left on the clock, Yugi hurried over to Pegasus's castle. "Okay Pegasus, I've fulfilled all your demands. Now what? 3 million right here, Serenity's eyes poked out, my puzzle in the trash, my grandpa's soul stolen again, and the Egyptian God cards put back."

"Good, but I need my Millennium Eye and I'll give you your dueling glove and 2 starchips."

Yugi handed Pegasus his eye, ignoring the pain of pulling it off some of his skin while bonded to the superglue. "BRB."

Yugi's regular eye was still on the kitchen floor at his house, which he drove twice the speed limit to get to. Yugi put it back in and amazingly it still worked. It was kinda dusty tho but that was a small setback. He then drove twice the speed limit back to Pegasus's castle.

"Okay, here is your dueling glove and 2 starchips. Now go. Fight this tournament again." Yugi felt naked without the heart of the cards or his puzzle to railroad him. The tournament had started. Again.

Yugi spied a trainer who looked just like a bizarro version of Ash Ketchum from Palette Town. If his theory was correct about that guy being stupid, this would be a quick warm-up match.

"Hey dude you wanna duel?" Yugi challenged.

"Heck yeah!" the bizarro Ash chirped excitedly. He sounded like Chester from Linkin Park.

"I wager both my starchips," he said. "Now LET'S DUEL!" He screamed in a manner that sounded like Chester's metal screams. Bizarro Ash went first. "I play Soggy the Dark Clown in attack mode." Not to be confused with Kaiba's clown card. It was a piece of rice cereal with a clown nose and it only had 10 attack points. "You shouldn't have challenged me. This card will completely clinch the match for me." _What is he thinking? _Yugi thought. _I have three Blue Eyes in my hand, a polymerization, and an Utimate Dragon. I could knock him out in one turn with just blue eyes alone but where's the fun in that? Oh well, I'll do it anyway because YOLO._

"I play my magic card, God of the Machine, which will do whatever is needed by the plot whether or not it's against the rules, allowing me to summon my three Blue Eyes and combine them into the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon with polymerization in a single turn."

"NO! Soggy is the best card in my entire deck and I was counting on him to win!" Bizarro Ash moaned. He was honestly surprised that Yugi's Ultimate Dragon curbstomped it in one fell swoop.

"I just took your life points and then some."

"Here, take my starchips." Bizarro Ash offered angrily.

_If every duelist here is this easy, I won't even need to try. _

I'll spare you the boring details but Yugi did eventually win 10 starchips. After Bizarro Ash he re-dueled every single one of the same players as last time (except Seto Kaiba) and he beat them all. Again. They even played the exact same cards as before on the exact same corresponding turns. Good thing Yugi remembered what to do because if one card had been out of place he would probably not know what to do and lose. It was pure coincidence. No more heart of the cards crap again, I promise.

Finally, he got to duel Pegasus after beating Joey again.

"Oh Yugi, we face each other in the dueling arena. Again. And now that you threw your puzzle away you can't use your mind shuffle on me anymore, so now your mind is an open book to me once more." Pegasus tried reading Yugi's mind.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Pegasus exclaimed. "I see nothing! It's like he's lost his mind or something!"

"Yup!" Yugi said confidently. "I have lost my mind because no sane person would ever commit any of the deeds described in your letter. Since I have lost my mind, you can't read it, so YOU have to play honorably now! Oooh, BURN!" Pegasus felt blinder than a bat without being able to read Yugi's mind. It was almost like he didn't know how to duel anymore. "I've beaten you before when you could read my mind, so if you can't read my mind, you should be easier to defeat!"

"We'll see about that," Pegasus said. "Go Toon World!" Using Toon World was like playing Super Mario World and flying through various levels using the cape feather. _Toon World? That's the same card he almost beat me with before. _"Oh wait, I shouldn't use that if I hate cheating. Forget you saw that." Pegasus took Toon World off the field and tossed it over the bridge, falling into the endless void below.

"Oh wait, since I don't have Toon World anymore, there really is no point in going on." He placed his hand over his deck. "The duel is yours, Yugi boy. You can have the 3 million dollars and your grandpa's soul back, and you did it without cheating." Yugi sighed with relief despite such an anticlimactic duel. He didn't even get to take a turn.

Yugi paid for Serenity's second eye operation with the 3 million he just won, and it went off without a hitch. She could see now, so good that she could see all the way to the edge of the universe.

Next up was Battle City. Kaiba decided to throw another Battle City tournament. Without the Egyptian God cards or his puzzle, the playing field was leveled.

Yugi got instantly curbstomped by the same Bizarro Ash kid from earlier. He also had Toon World. Yugi was consequently knocked out of the tournament and stripped of his Ultimate Dragon.

"This stupid children's card game sucks. I'm over it now! People take it way too seriously" Yugi then ripped up his deck and his unshaven belly puffed out. His DumbPhone rang. It was Tea.

"I'm divorcing you, Yugi. You're not the sweet guy I fell in love with. You'd rather poke peoples' eyes out and damn people to hell than accept your gifts!" Tea hung up angrily.

"Eh, PMS," Yugi muttered quietly.


End file.
